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California #6

It's kinda sad, that we are leaving today to fly back to Ohio, where it is cold and where isn't as much to do for me as here. California was such a great experience for me and now I know a lot more people here and I saw so many things that impressed me! It wasn't a typical "tourist's vacation", so I didn't do a lot of sightseeing but I learned more about the people here and how life really is in california. Maybe one day I will come back and see all these people here again...I would like to! I guess I'm right in saying that California was the best time I had here in the states up till now. I don't know what might comes up in the last 3 weeks ahead but the last 2 weeks that I spent here didn't just influence my english language ('cause everybody just says "dude"/"awesome"/"fuckin" :D), further it felt like a real life to me. I wasn't on vacation, I was actually living here (in 4 different households :D) what made it so hard for me to keep my life, that I still have in Germany, in mind. I can feel the distance and I don't really know where I belong to. Of course now I know better than at any time before, which people are important for me and which people always will be a part of my life but I'm just not sure at what place in the world this might go on. I wanna keep the people who are in my heart (my family, my boyfriend and a few friends of mine) but according to this fuckin' gossip that comes around, though I'm so far away, I just wanna leave these people behind, who think they can be a part of my life but aren't worth it! It was one of the reasons why I wanted to leave Germany for a certain time, because I just couldn't stand it anymore that there are always people around you who play a 'false game' with you...once you start to trust them or to forget about becoming hurt, they'll leave you alone! These almost 7 weeks so far proofed me who really cares about me (and who I really care about) but they also made it clear who was playing a 'false game' with me and I shouldn't care about them anymore 'cause they make life just heartless, emotionless and false! You told me "the time in America is changing you...you aren't the same person anymore..." And now I can see, you're right! I am different 'cause I had to learn how to handle many situations on my own and I had to learn to realize that there were people in my life who just weren't serious about their relation to me. It might be sad, that's right, because it's not easy to accept that you aren't important to people who you always thought you really are. But now I am sure about who I can really call "a friend" and you, my "little princess", you become more important to me every day I'm looking happily forward to the next following 3 weeks that I have left in America (even if it will be kinda cold in Ohio, compared to California ) and I am so excited about seeing you again, my love I'm reaching for the moment to be back so that you can hold me in your arms...forever! <3
25.7.09 19:27
 


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